10 Things Not to Do in Your Separation or Divorce
Going through a divorce is unimaginably stressful and traumatic — legally, financially, and emotionally. But how you behave during the process can make things better or much worse. If you are going through a divorce, or are at risk of going through one, now is the time to ensure that your hands are clean.
Here are 10 things you should never do in your divorce.
1. Don’t Hide or Deplete Assets
Family law is built on full financial disclosure. If you hide money, undervalue property, or spend down accounts out of spite, you risk penalties. Courts can order compensation, award a larger share to your spouse, or make you pay their legal costs. Be transparent. It protects your credibility and your case.
2. Don’t Refuse to Pay Support that’s Required
Child support is not optional. Child support, in particular, is the right of the child. Falling behind on child support payments can trigger the Family Responsibility Office’s (FROs) involvement. This can lead to wage garnishment, driver’s license suspension, or even jail through enforcement by the Family Responsibility Office. Paying support on time shows you’re acting in good faith as a parent and taking responsibility for your children.
3. Don’t Be Rude or Uncivil to your Co-Parent
The law requires parents to shield children from conflict. If you are a co-parent, you are required to co-parent collaboratively with your ex-spouse. Hostile texts, arguments at exchanges, or stonewalling communication are often used in court to show poor judgment and an unwillingness to cooperate. Judges want to see parents who can cooperate. Persistent unwillingness to cooperate or behave reasonably has been grounds for some parents to lose shared decision-making. Civility protects your kids — and your parenting interests.
4. Don’t Disparage Your Ex Online
Ranting on your personal blog, Facebook or Instagram may feel good in the moment, but it creates evidence that can and will be used in court. There have been cases where ex-spouses were jailed for persistent disparagement of their ex-spouse online. Equally as worrisome, your children may see the posts one day. Before you hit “post,” ask yourself: would I want a judge to read this out loud in court?
5. Don’t Let Emotions Run the Show
Anger, fear, or grief can lead to decisions you’ll regret later. It isn’t that these feelings are not valid and natural, but they could, if not controlled, cause your situation to spiral in the wrong direction. Take time to cool down before making decisions. Focus on building your future, healing, and self-care – not incessantly dwelling on the past.
6. Don’t Ignore Your Lawyer’s Advice
Family lawyers must advise clients about the benefits of collaborative family law, settlement options, and practical alternatives to trial. Ignoring that advice often leads to higher fees and riskier outcomes. Your lawyer can’t promise to deliver the exact result you want, but they know how judges think and how the law works. Use their expertise. They are working in your best interest.
7. Don’t Violate Court Orders
Skipping payments, refusing to follow a parenting schedule, or withholding documents is risky. Judges can strike your pleadings, find you in contempt, fine you, restrict your parenting time, or even jail you in extreme cases. Obeying orders is essential for a decent outcome.
8. Don’t Enlist an Army Against Your Ex — Especially the Kids
Dragging children into adult disputes is one of the most damaging mistakes a parent can make. Asking them to spy, take sides, or carry hostile messages can cause long-term psychological harm to your children. Even rallying friends and family into a campaign against your ex creates unnecessary hostility, which impedes the odds of a collaborative settlement. Keep kids — and bystanders — out of it for everyone’s sake.
9. Don’t Be Unreasonable About Settlement
Refusing fair offers or dragging out fights over minor assets can backfire. Courts can order you to pay the other side’s legal costs if you act unreasonably. Settlement doesn’t mean giving up; it means knowing which issues are worth fighting for and which ones are not. Divorce is expensive. Trials can exceed $100,000 in Ontario. Some families have gone bankrupt trying to pay for it all. Your future self will thank you for being reasonable today.
10. Don’t Make Divorce About Revenge
Separation and divorce are about ending a joint venture, not getting revenge on your ex. Using the courts to try to “make them pay” only prolongs the conflict, increases fees, and drains energy. Judges see through revenge-driven litigation and may penalize the party that refuses to compromise with cost awards against them. Moving forward to your successful next chapter, with dignity and composure, is the best form of justice.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is excruciating — but it doesn’t have to destroy your financial wellbeing, your children’s wellbeing, or your peace of mind. Avoiding these 10 mistakes keeps the process focused on what really matters: protecting your children, securing your financial stability, and building a peaceful life after separation.
If you’re considering divorce, the best step you can take is to get trusted legal advice early. A family lawyer can help you avoid these pitfalls, save time and money, and guide you toward a resolution that allows you to move forward.